The next BIG adventure

I honestly can’t believe that this week is here.

My last week in the office with all of my coworkers. My last 3 days with my best friends. The people who have been by my side through everything that’s happened the majority of my life. The people who have supported every insane decision I’ve thought to pursue and every relationship that’s left me broken hearted. These are the people that have made me who I am. Who have believed in me when I didn’t and have allowed me to develop and evolve into my truest version of myself. I’m forever grateful for those who have loved and supported me through all of it. And I don’t know if I ever would have found the woman that I am now if it wasn’t for the past 10 months that I’ve had.

2015 has been the most influential year for me and my personal development. Learning more about what I want, and what I see for myself and my future. Acknowledging and accepting that I deserve better than a comfortable life. No one deserves a comfortable life. And that’s not a life I want for myself. I don’t want to be comfortable. I want to live a big and insane life because I know that I deserve that, and want that for myself. The magic only happens when you leave your comfort zone. Why limit myself to what I’m capable of? Why limit God to what He’s capable of?

I have a 3 day, 22 hour and 1,464 mile drive ahead of me, just me and Bentley. Driving through Virginia, North Carolina, Tennessee, Arkansas and Texas, and were doing it alone. After the summer I’ve had, truly the last 7 months, I can’t wait to have some time to deflate. This summer has been the most incredible to date. I have never felt more empowered, strong, independent and loved. And I’m incredibly blessed that I’ve had enough energy to keep up with everything I’ve wanted to do and all of the memories that I’ve been able to create.

I have 3 days left in DC. And they are packed with time with friends, celebration, booze, laughter, tears, love and happiness. I start saying my goodbyes today, and I’ve never been more ready. Because it’s not truly goodbye, but see you soon.

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#shocked

At some point I realized that this day would come. The day when I find out that my ex is seeing someone else. 

I think shocked is the best way to describe what I’m feeling. Because I still agree that I made the right decision. And I still believe with everything in my body that I’m on the path that was chosen for me. But it doesn’t make this moment any easier. The moment when I realized the person that could never commit to me is committed to someone else. I can’t help but wonder, what does she have to offer him that I never could, or never did? Does she make her happier than I did? Is this just a rebound, or does she actually have potential?

While none of these answers will ever do me any good, or matter, the questions are still there. 

  

Leaving a relationship is tough. Even though I ended this one, I didn’t expect him to be the first to move on. I suppose I’ve had my opportunities, but with my upcoming move I made the executive decision to not date in DC. Mainly because I’m not staying in the area for anyone and a long distance relationship from the place I just moved away from doesn’t sound promising. Nonetheless, today’s news came as a shock to me. I sat at my computer and stared at the gchat box from my roommate who had broken the news. And I cried. I even typed back to her that I didn’t know why I was upset, I just was. Maybe because it was actually over now. It had always been over, but now that he had moved on, it really was over. 

Ironically enough, exactly 2 months, 60 days, from today I will be arriving at my parents house. This will mark the completion of my and Bentleys cross country, 1505 mile, drive from Washington, DC to Austin, TX. What a day to hear news! Because it’s a big day for me too. My last 2 months in the area. And I’m more sure and committed to the decision I made.

If anything, today’s news just reaffirmed everything I already knew. That God has a plan in mind, and I’m completely unaware of it. Because of this acceptance, I feel more confident and at peace with the new life and chapter that lie ahead for me in TX, being fully reliant on God. And that my previous relationship was no longer serving me, growing me or providing me the happiness that I needed. 
  
 

Austin, Texas

When you have the opportunity to selfishly put yourself first, its incredible what immediately comes to mind.

I have been single for just under 2 1/2 months now, and honestly one of the first things I decided in that initial week of this new chapter was deciding to move out of Northern, VA. While I have lived here my entire life and absolutely love this city, I’m ready for a new place to learn, explore and fall in love with. While visiting Austin last month I had the opportunity to walk through apartments, and truly fall in love with the city that I would be spending so much time in. I honestly have never been so excited about what is coming. But, knowing whats coming, with so few friends knowing makes this summer even better. I have never been good at living in the moment, and this move in actually teaching me that. To enjoy every moment. Say yes to every opportunity that is brought to me, and really love the time I had left in this incredible city.

I never thought I would leave this area. When my parents moved, Andrew and I had decided we would purchase a house in the Northern, VA area. After visiting Austin at Christmas I realized that I loved the city life, and wanted to be able to experience that, but Andrew wanted to stay in the suburbs. So we agreed to the suburbs. I also had suggested to Andrew that we move south closer to my family, but he never wanted to leave this area, so we were going to stay. When I’m honest with myself, I know I’ve wanted to leave for a while. And that I only truly stayed in this area after my parents moved because of Andrew. My mom asked me at least 100 times to come with them and start over. I never thought I would.

I’m working out details with my work now, and while I confidently believed that it would work out, now I’m not as confident. But I’m not scared or worried at all. For someone that is a total type A personality, I’m generally in a panic when something doesn’t go according to the plan. I think I actually understand the idea of ‘giving it all to God’. He is going to take care of me. And whether my job lets me work remote or not, I’ll figure something out when i get there. Maybe I focus on grad school for a semester, and work at Lululemon in Austin. And maybe teach for a yoga studio. And maybe a restaurant or bar as well. Well obviously that is not the ideal plan for a 24 year old with a bachelor’s degree, 2 years experience, 1 year to go in my Masters and student loans, it might actually make me the happiest. I feel like when I have been so worried about the money, and figuring every out I have considered less what makes me happy. What will provide me the best quality of life. And maybe its not a 9-5 job. At this point, I don’t know. But I have a lot of ideas, so I guess well see.

I sit down with my director on Tuesday morning to discuss my role in Austin, and how my pay, and expectations will change. Depending on how that goes, I may not need a new job. But I also might need something when I get to Austin, or even before then. Who knows? But either way, my lease in Northern, VA doesn’t end until Sept 1, and I don’t think I want to spend my birthday in a place where I know no one. So no matter what I will be in DC until after my birthday.

I’m giving it to God. Literally all of it, and believing that He has a plan for Bentley and I.

My first true experience of this city

Austin Texas might be one of the greatest cities I have ever visited. I have an aunt and uncle that live 15 minutes from downtown and my parents live an hour both, so I’ve always been with family when I was in town. This weekend I was with an old college fling who lives here. We were able to walk around downtown, bar hop and spend time with his friends. 

I had no idea Austin had so much to offer. There is plenty to do actively outside, whether you’re running on the trail around Ladybird Lake, paddle boarding on the lake or hiking the rolling hills around the city. There are bars and restaurants on every corner and very rarely are they chains, so it’s always a new experience. We ate at The Hut, which Food Networks’s Diners, Driveins and Dive’s did an episode that was good. 

There is a bar on 6th street, which is the street to be on at night, called Kung Fu. I thought it was an Asian bar but I was completely wrong. You walk in, and it’s designed like a grownup chuckie cheese with arcade games, Janga and Connect Four set up. If you’re a newcomer to the bar, they make you bang this massive gong that’s behind the bar. Apparently I banged it like it pansy but I had a huge smile on my face and loved every second. I also had my first pickle juice shot and it was amazing!

   
 
With this trip making me spend night and day with an old friend, it made me realize how much he and I have both changed since we were last together. It has been 2 1/2 years since we’d last seen each other, and butterflies were in my stomach as to what emotions would come up seeing him again. Would I be interested in a life with him again? He has so many qualities that I’m looking for, so that was something I knew to acknowledge and handle when it came up. He is still a great man, and I respect him and care for him but it’s different now. He will be a great friend moving forward, but that’s where our relationship will stop. I acknowledge how different I am now, even in the 2 short months that I’ve been alone, and how much more I’m looking for than my past can give me. 

Im grateful for the choices that have gotten me to where I am now, and the people that have helped me grow along the way. I fell in love with this city this weekend, and it might need to become a more permanate place that is involved in my growth moving forward. Knowing what I know now, I can’t wait to see what the future holds for me. Maybe it’s in Texas.