My Test is my Testimony

A testimony is an awesome way to share how Christ has gotten you to where you are in your life. I had the opportunity tonight to share mine with a girlfriend and thought it would be worth writing down.

I was raised by Christian parents who had my brother and I in church on Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings, Wednesday evenings and actively involved in youth group on the weekends. I was raised knowing that this was an essential part of my life and my future. When I got to high school, I made the boyfriend in my life my god and without realizing it, in college they were the idol that ran my whole world. While I was in college, I found that my life was pretty good and on the right track just how it was going, so I continued to put the Lord on the back burner and live my life the way I wanted to.

When I wasn’t with my boyfriend, or getting drunk with my sorority sisters, I felt lost. I had the dream of getting into nursing school, and after 3 years of trying my hardest, I had to let the dream go and find another focus that would get my out of college with a degree without accruing too much extra unexpected student loans. I graduated one semester later than planned, with a wonderful man in my life. I went to Africa to teach English for 6 weeks, found a job as soon as I got home and have been in IT sales since.

Slowly after returning stateside, the Lord started working on me. I started seeing things I had always ignored in a different light. Like that my boyfriend wasn’t a Christian and wouldn’t go to church with me on the rare occasions that I attended. This started to slowly eat at me, and other things came into focus. I have always wanted a husband and a family. This boyfriend and I had always discussed the possibilities of a family, and had always been on the same page, but now in this new light when it was mentioned, we didn’t seem to even be speaking the same language. Ultimately, less then 2 years later, I ended the relationship because we were not on the same page when it came to families or faith. These were 2 things that I was never going to be willing to give up. I was going to marry a Christian man who would be a strong leader, and would share my desire to have a family and babies.

8 days later I booked my moving truck to get me to my fresh start in Austin, TX. God has been working in my life every day since, and I have been working hard to not ignore Him. When I look at all of the things that He kept me from, and all the amazing things that have occurred because of His hand on my life, there is no one that deserves the credit more than Him. God has opened doors and closed windows to give me the life that I have never dreamed of. He put me into a house that I could barely afford by giving me the loan officer that fought for me and got incredibly creative every step of the way. He has given me a women’s Bible Study that keep me focused on my goals and are incredible examples of the Christian woman that I strive to be every day. He has blessed me with a family that has loved me through all of the messes that I’ve learned to get through. He reminds me of the things that I will not give up and keeps me focused on the plan that He has laid out for me. He answers my prayers and is with me every step of the way.

I only have this life because God has provided every piece of it to me. He deservers every ounce of recognition and praise because I am only where I am because of Him. He leads me despite all of my poor choices, and mistakes, not in spite of them. God is so good every single day and the future will be full of blessings and challenges that continue to allow me to grow and further pursue Him.

Your test will become your testimony and your mess your message. ❤

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#shocked

At some point I realized that this day would come. The day when I find out that my ex is seeing someone else. 

I think shocked is the best way to describe what I’m feeling. Because I still agree that I made the right decision. And I still believe with everything in my body that I’m on the path that was chosen for me. But it doesn’t make this moment any easier. The moment when I realized the person that could never commit to me is committed to someone else. I can’t help but wonder, what does she have to offer him that I never could, or never did? Does she make her happier than I did? Is this just a rebound, or does she actually have potential?

While none of these answers will ever do me any good, or matter, the questions are still there. 

  

Leaving a relationship is tough. Even though I ended this one, I didn’t expect him to be the first to move on. I suppose I’ve had my opportunities, but with my upcoming move I made the executive decision to not date in DC. Mainly because I’m not staying in the area for anyone and a long distance relationship from the place I just moved away from doesn’t sound promising. Nonetheless, today’s news came as a shock to me. I sat at my computer and stared at the gchat box from my roommate who had broken the news. And I cried. I even typed back to her that I didn’t know why I was upset, I just was. Maybe because it was actually over now. It had always been over, but now that he had moved on, it really was over. 

Ironically enough, exactly 2 months, 60 days, from today I will be arriving at my parents house. This will mark the completion of my and Bentleys cross country, 1505 mile, drive from Washington, DC to Austin, TX. What a day to hear news! Because it’s a big day for me too. My last 2 months in the area. And I’m more sure and committed to the decision I made.

If anything, today’s news just reaffirmed everything I already knew. That God has a plan in mind, and I’m completely unaware of it. Because of this acceptance, I feel more confident and at peace with the new life and chapter that lie ahead for me in TX, being fully reliant on God. And that my previous relationship was no longer serving me, growing me or providing me the happiness that I needed.