Know Your Worth

It took me many many years to figure out my worth. I dated a lot of men and thought that they would be able to help me define it, but honestly it made it more challenging and made me feel like I was worth less, not more. I also dated a lot to fill whatever hole of loneliness that I needed patched.

Knowing your worth is a challenge. But once it’s found, the thought of losing it is unimaginable. I can’t imagine losing what I’ve won. I’m so proud to be where I am and proud to know what I’m worth.

Dating is a time in life when many of my girlfriends, like my old self, lose that. They think that it’s more important to have a significant other who maybe doesn’t respect them, or won’t commit after months is okay because they aren’t alone.

Girlfriend! You are worth more than that. Being single is a phenomenal time to learn about yourself and make that your prime investment. Take up a new skill, or learn to bake something besides slice and bake cookies. Find a foundation you’re passionate about and get involved. Redecorate your house or get a side job. But never forget that you don’t need a man.

I’m in a situation where I’m trying to date a guy long distance. Trying is the key word. Long distance isn’t for everyone and having to maneuver around that is challenging, honestly. I totally get it’s not for everyone and I don’t lose an ounce of respect if that ends up being the case in my situation. But please understand, after I cry for a second I’m going to get up, dust my butt off from falling down and I’m going to move forward. Because I’m worth more than settling for someone who can’t give me 100%, and girlfriend you deserve more too.

I know in my heart that there is someone out there who will be willing to, and will want to give me 110%. Someone who appreciates how I love people, my family, friends, strangers and the Lord. There is someone who will share my dream of raising a family, adoption and traveling the world. That man is out there. Heck, it could be the guy I’m getting to know and dating now, but until God reveals that to me, I have to continue trusting the process and moving forward.

While you’re trusting God and moving forward in your own relationship, try keeping these things in mind:
– Why isn’t he committing to you? Is it because its brand new and you’ve only known him for 3 weeks or does he have another excuse that doesn’t make sense anymore 8 months later?
– Do you actually have things in common? I have a girlfriend who isn’t even sure she likes the guy, but their intimacy level is really compatible . Make sure that YOU’RE there for the right reasons.
– Has he done something shady that you’ve chosen to ignore and look past?
– Has he ever told you you deserve better? I learned that if a man tells you this, you need to listen and trust him.

If you said yes to any of those things, I would take a step back and look at the relationship from a different perspective. Ending relationships suck. I know because I’ve ended almost all of the relationships I’ve been in and it’s really hard, but staying longer when in your gut you know it’s not right for you is going to make leaving later every harder.

You are loved. And you deserve everything you want in this world. Please don’t stand in your own way and be the reason why you don’t get them. ❤️

Do not fear

The Bible tells us 365 times to not fear, so God has got to be pretty serious about that, but in moments of weakness we tend to forget how persistent he is.

I’m 25 years old with hip pain that’s preparing me to need a hip replacement much earlier than normal. I’m headed into my second hip MRI this afternoon, but this one is also an anthrogram. I have to be honest, I don’t remember the last time I was this nervous. They will be inserting multiple needles into my hip to numb the area before inserting a large needle full of dye. This dye is supposed to help visualize what’s going on in my hip, whether it’s a tear or a highly inflamed region. If its torn, surgery will be required to repair the torn area. If it’s not torn, we continue working on improving mobility, stretching, weight lifting, and will continue avoiding cardio until further notice.

I’ve been anxious researching the pain to be expected all day, with sweaty palms and an anxious tummy. I keep reminding myself how direct and repetitive God is about fear.

Psalm 56: 3-4 “3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. 4 In God, whose word I praise— in God I trust and am not afraid.”

John 14:27 “27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Psalm 118:6 “6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”

Joshua 1:9 “9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

If you have a free second in your morning today, please send a prayer up for me. Pray for a lower level of anxiety and the best results we can ask for, which is no tear.

Have a blessed day!

With all my love,

Kristi

 

The next BIG adventure

I honestly can’t believe that this week is here.

My last week in the office with all of my coworkers. My last 3 days with my best friends. The people who have been by my side through everything that’s happened the majority of my life. The people who have supported every insane decision I’ve thought to pursue and every relationship that’s left me broken hearted. These are the people that have made me who I am. Who have believed in me when I didn’t and have allowed me to develop and evolve into my truest version of myself. I’m forever grateful for those who have loved and supported me through all of it. And I don’t know if I ever would have found the woman that I am now if it wasn’t for the past 10 months that I’ve had.

2015 has been the most influential year for me and my personal development. Learning more about what I want, and what I see for myself and my future. Acknowledging and accepting that I deserve better than a comfortable life. No one deserves a comfortable life. And that’s not a life I want for myself. I don’t want to be comfortable. I want to live a big and insane life because I know that I deserve that, and want that for myself. The magic only happens when you leave your comfort zone. Why limit myself to what I’m capable of? Why limit God to what He’s capable of?

I have a 3 day, 22 hour and 1,464 mile drive ahead of me, just me and Bentley. Driving through Virginia, North Carolina, Tennessee, Arkansas and Texas, and were doing it alone. After the summer I’ve had, truly the last 7 months, I can’t wait to have some time to deflate. This summer has been the most incredible to date. I have never felt more empowered, strong, independent and loved. And I’m incredibly blessed that I’ve had enough energy to keep up with everything I’ve wanted to do and all of the memories that I’ve been able to create.

I have 3 days left in DC. And they are packed with time with friends, celebration, booze, laughter, tears, love and happiness. I start saying my goodbyes today, and I’ve never been more ready. Because it’s not truly goodbye, but see you soon.

Talk about being humbled

I think, like most people, failing is something that scares me. Its frustrating, disappointing, disheartening and discouraging. It can make you feel down on yourself, and depressed. And it can make you feel like you’ve let yourself, as well as others, down.

I realized today while logging on to my graduate school program that I am in my last semester to get my grades up before I am academically discharged from my program. In english, that means kicked out. I knew it was possible, but never did I think it would happen to me. My program is my dream. To be a nutritionist. To teach people all about food, and how it can hurt and harm, or heal and help you. How vitamins can change the way your body accepts and rejects food. The importance of physical activity, through both strength training and cardio exercises. The dream was to open a yoga studio where my nutrition practice funded the studio so that yoga could be more affordable for everyone who wants to practice.

Its incredibly hard to not feel like I’m watching my dream fade away. And I immediately go to that saying, you have to lose everything before you can really find yourself. Or you have to lose it all in order to gain everything.

lose everything find yourself

I have always believe that the more you talk about something, and put the idea into the universe, the more likely you are to fulfill that dream. Which is exactly why everyone and their mother knows that I’m in graduate school. And that I want to open a yoga studio. And obviously be this world renowned yogi that travels and teaches. Like Yogagirl. 🙂 What she does is the dream, truly. But when I’m realistic, opening the studio and teaching people about good food was more than enough.

I never would have thought I was going to have to step out of my program so that I didn’t have to get kicked out. Its embarrassing. Something that SO many people know about is ending. And I have no control over it because I did my best. With a full time job, I tried to add a masters program. I really am embarrassed, because I never thought it would happen to me. Never would I have thought that I would be worried about losing my job because of a move cross country. Never would I have thought that at 24 I would be single again, in this big and terrifying world. Never would I have thought that I would lose the dream before I created a new one. I never thought I would have to lose it all before I’d find everything, which I’m praying is coming.

The Bible tells us 365 times “Do not fear”. 365 times. That is literally a daily reminder to not be scared. To not worry and to have hope in the plan that is bigger than I am. For someone who has always, and I mean always, had a plan I have never felt so humbled at the idea that I have no idea what is next in my life. I have no idea what the dream is now. And honestly, it could be on hold for a few years at most when I reapply to my masters and finish in 5 years. Or I get my personal training cert and go that direction. Or maybe I just work at an established yoga studio, rather than creating my own. Or maybe I develop a new dream.

All I know is that I have never really and truly given my whole life, dreams and all, to God for Him to do with as he will. But in the last 3 months, He has proven to me that I don’t need any of the things that were in my life previously. I don’t need the man that was never going to make me a wife and a mother. I don’t need the masters program that I was so openly proud to have (which may have been my problem. Maybe I was too proud.) I don’t need the job that pays my bills, now my student loans, as well as my new car payment, and the food for my golden doodle. I don’t need to worry about the things I have no control over, like my pup eating a cat toy and providing me with $6,000 of medical bills. (Thank the Lord for pet insurance.) And I don’t need the only city that I have ever lived in and the comfort and support that it has provided me.

God, you are SO good. And through everything that you have thrown my way these last few months, I have never once questioned you. This alone is incredible, knowing everything else that life has thrown me, and how I always blamed You for it all. Maybe thats growth. Maybe its acceptance. But I think it’s faith. Faith in a plan bigger and better than I can imagine. The dream I had for myself was so big, and bold, and what You have for me is going to be even better. My only request is that I’m ready for it when You give it to me. Please God let me be ready. I am constantly in awe of You. and I surrender everything to You. Your love is so incredible, and I will keep focusing on the blessing you continue to pour out on me, even when I have no idea where I’m headed. Thank you God for keeping me in the palm of Your hand, even when I have no idea where I’m headed. Amen.

Religion and yoga

It’s incredible how things happen. I attended the Yoga Journal LIVE! Business of Yoga conference in NYC last week for the first time with my mom. My parents are small business owners and I knew it would be great to have her ears listening too, knowing that she would pick up on things I might not. One of the first speakers mentioned God, and it took my mom by surprise. I grew up in the Church of Christ and we attended every Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday night. She was taken back because she had no idea how spiritual yoga was. Growing up in the church has made me step back as an adult to figure out what I believe and how I want to worship. While I love the church I attend, I have found I’m more spiritual and more connected to God now because of yoga than I have ever been.

This made me think back on my life and how much bigger God is than I am. The man than I am lucky to be sharing my life with was someone that I was friends with for years before we ever even thought about dating. Both of us dated other people for years and we ended up spending more time together one summer. It’s incredible how God brings people back into our lives in more permanent roles, or changes the roles that people have in our lives. Andrew is the first man that has made my life better, happier and healthier, while teaching me to be a more independent and confident person. I don’t even know if he is aware how much I have grown as a person, simply by having him as a role model and leader in my life. He is someone who regularly follows his heart and his dreams. That is something I always wanted to be able to do. And because of him, I am now.

I love that the Lord provides what we don’t even know we need, and He does it in the most perfect timing. Those gut feelings that we all get, follow them. Those are from God and to go with them, you need to take the leap of faith.

That leap of faith is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. For me, it was saying my dreams out loud, to people, and to as many people as would listen. My dreams seemed crazy to me. Opening a yoga studio and starting my own business as a young women with no business experience is terrifying. I am terrified about the long nights, and the big decisions that are coming, but what I want to give to the world is so exciting, and I am so passionate about what I believe I have to offer. Even though the leap of faith is scary, not following my dreams is scarier.

If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.