Documentation

I have never documented my training for half marathons. Honestly, because the progress has never been worth documenting. And I’ve really only done the weekend long runs, rather than adding in the short runs and strength training during the week like suggested.

My upcoming race is on my 25th birthday, September 12th, and I have a goal to PR at 2:30hrs. With this goal in mind, I think I can be wildly successful, plus I’d love to start 25 off with a bang and a personal record would definitely qualify as such.

I will also continue weight lifting 4 x per week, practicing yoga at least twice weekly, in addition to the 4 run per week training schedule. While this sounds extreme, and maybe slightly insane, I am INCREDIBLY excited to see how my body reacts to all of the work out mix ups. I’ve started to plateau some, and the intention is that my body will constantly be shocked and allows growth and change to continue happening.

These pictures were taken the evening of Day 1 of training. (I apologize for my puppy and my incredibly messy room. I didn’t even think about the background when I took the photo. Woops! ) This is at 134.5lbs, which is already 7lbs up from where I was in April when I started lifting, so the weight gain is muscle. I continued eating an 80/20 clean diet, while increasing my protein and water consumption, and limiting my carbohydrates, processed foods and caffeine.

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On top of the half marathon training plan, I have started playing with the idea of competing in a bikini fitness competition. I’m not sure that I have the will-power to be able to compete in something like that, simply because I love food so much, and those diets are pretty limited. But I’m going to do my research and see what I can learn!

To bigger and better things!

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‘Not yet, but soon’

I caught myself day dreaming in the Starbucks line today. I’d been enjoying the weather and was grabbing a green tea on the way back into the office, and my thoughts went to our company golf tournament that was hosted around this time last summer. I was there spending the day in the sun with reps from a number of the vendors I represent. One of my reps noticed my CZ ring on my left middle finger and asked when I’d gotten engaged. My answer was along the lines of ‘not yet, but soon’.

It’s incredible looking back at how much I truly believed that, ‘not yet, but soon’. And then seeing where I stand today.

My roommates birthday was this past weekend, and her brother is my ex, so obviously we saw each other. As weird as it was, it was so comforting to be out doing things that we used to enjoy together, with the friends that we both madly love. At one point we were hugging and I stuck my bottom lip out, something I’d done a million times, and was starting to tear up. It’s incredible how much as changed. But even more incredible how right the change feels.

In true white girl wasted fashion, obviously I was very concerned to know if he was watching me while we were out with my friends. Watching me dance with this body he never appreciate. The body I have been working harder than ever to tone up even more. Watching me have a blast with my girlfriends, proving to the both of us that I don’t need a man. That I can have an incredible time with the people that are in my life and that I’m not as shy as I used to be. That I’m finally coming out of my little shell because I’m realizing that I have to. To meet people, make new friends, find new joys in life and date, I have to lose some of the shell that has graciously protected me all of these years. So by all means, watch! Watch me enjoy my life beyond belief, stronger than I ever was with a man by my side, and more confident than I could have ever imagined.

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I really did believe it when I said ‘not yet, but soon’. Not too long after that event did I only then begin to realize that it was never going to happen in the relationship that I was in.  That I was more in love with the idea of the wedding, and settling for the safe relationship I was in, rather than starting from scratch and patiently waiting for the man that is being developed by my creator for me.

With a love as beautiful as Andrew and I shared, I can only imagine what God has in store for me next. Rather than trying to force something with the man in Austin, maybe I should take a step back, truly enjoy where I am and my last summer in Washington, DC while continuing to fall in love with myself and my girlfriends. Because in the end, they will always be the ones to pick me up when I’m down and encourage me when I don’t have any fight or power left in me.

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Until next time,

❤ your developing, but devoted yogi

Just show up

I didn’t come looking for anything when I came to yoga. I was just told to show up. What does that even mean? Just show up? It took me about a year and a half to understand that. Teachers would tell me, and the class, that nothing mattered as long as you showed up to your mat.

I’m not a competitive person, but the days where I feel my practice is at it’s best, I am the most proud. I have brought everything on to my mat. Bad days at work, bad news with friends, friends death, exhaustion, run down and burnt out. I have brought every form of myself, but my mat has never turned me away. My mat is one place that I don’t have to explain the emotions that show up. And that’s when I understood it. Just show up on your mat. The thoughts you were thinking, the stressors you were focused on, the laundry list you were creating – leave it behind and just show up. The emotions that you bring, that is your truest self. Regardless of what those feelings are. I have laid and cried on my mat after finding out the worst news of my best friends divorce. I remember laying in savasana with the most silent tears pouring out of my eyes. And my mat didn’t ask questions. It just accepted what showed up.

I’ve found that no two practices are the same. I have long narrow feet so balancing poses are sometimes extra difficult. Especially if I’m having a bad day balancing. I’m grateful that my mat is there on the bad days and doesn’t laugh. And on the good days I have room to celebrate.

I also have an extra vertebrae in my cervical spine, so back bends are amazing but camel is painful and tough. My mat accepts me fully, however I come. It’s incredible to know that on my worst days I can show up and be successful, fulfilled completely, as well as empowered.

Because of yoga, I am a more confident, happier and more beautiful person. I have found that the world is more beautiful, and what we surround ourselves with, is what we tend to become and reflect. My mat is a place where I can perform for myself. Where I can push myself to my limit, or just focus on my breath. It is a place for rest, and hard work. It’s a place to play what I have been practicing, and try what I’m scared of. It’s a place where falling isn’t frowned upon, and help is always accepted. Even better than that, the yoga studio provides the same things, along with a family of people who wants you to succeed as much as you do.

Whatever shows up is fine, as long as you do show up.