To my 5 week long Tinder boyfriend,

To my 5 week long Tinder boyfriend,

Thank you. Thank you for proving to me that good, normal men use dating apps to meet people. Thank you for treating me better than any man ever has and for raising the bar for my future dating experiences. Thank you for reminding me that chivalry isn’t dead, and that men are still capable of opening the car door for us, and kissing our hands in public. Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to not be the smartest person in the room and for not laughing when I ask a question or say something that may sound stupid. If I’m asking, it’s because I actually do want to know the answer. Thank you for showing me your favorite places in the city of Austin. This great, beautiful city may seem small, but to a single person alone in this city its massive and overwhelming. Thank you for taking me to places where I have memories in the future with you and great times to think back on. Thank you for making the moving transition easier by finding comfort in you.

Thank you for showing me what it’s like to have a dreamer bigger than yourself. I’m so proud of how dedicated and committed to your dream you are. I can only wish that one day I feel that way about a career. Your dream requires a level of dedication that is so important to you that a romantic relationship isn’t possible, and you’re okay with accepting that fact.

But also, thank you for ending it when you did. For realizing that while we were perfect together, and we were, it wasn’t the right time in your life for you to be romantically committed to someone. Your honesty opened my eyes to the things that I needed to be focusing on right now, like my own mental health. For someone who has never suffered from anxiety and depression, these are two things I need to work through on my own. Without the help and encouragement from a significant other, that obviously might not be in my life forever. Its things like this that pushed me to take this adventure on my own. So that I could show the world, and more importantly myself, that I’m fully capable of taking this world on on my own.

Lastly, thank you for acknowledging that while we cannot move forward romantically, that developing a friendship is something that you’d still like to work on. I feel like more often than not this is something that women suggest but it never works out. I greatly appreciate the fact that you said this was something you’d like to continue, if I was okay with it. The level of comfort I had with you is something that I didn’t know existed in real life. It allowed me to be the fullest and realist version of myself, knowing that you accepted me however I chose to show up. I don’t have that level of closeness with some of the best guys friends in my life, and I found it in you within minutes of meeting you.

I can only hope that we truly do continue to grow closer as friends in the future.

With all my love,

Kristi

 

 

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#shocked

At some point I realized that this day would come. The day when I find out that my ex is seeing someone else. 

I think shocked is the best way to describe what I’m feeling. Because I still agree that I made the right decision. And I still believe with everything in my body that I’m on the path that was chosen for me. But it doesn’t make this moment any easier. The moment when I realized the person that could never commit to me is committed to someone else. I can’t help but wonder, what does she have to offer him that I never could, or never did? Does she make her happier than I did? Is this just a rebound, or does she actually have potential?

While none of these answers will ever do me any good, or matter, the questions are still there. 

  

Leaving a relationship is tough. Even though I ended this one, I didn’t expect him to be the first to move on. I suppose I’ve had my opportunities, but with my upcoming move I made the executive decision to not date in DC. Mainly because I’m not staying in the area for anyone and a long distance relationship from the place I just moved away from doesn’t sound promising. Nonetheless, today’s news came as a shock to me. I sat at my computer and stared at the gchat box from my roommate who had broken the news. And I cried. I even typed back to her that I didn’t know why I was upset, I just was. Maybe because it was actually over now. It had always been over, but now that he had moved on, it really was over. 

Ironically enough, exactly 2 months, 60 days, from today I will be arriving at my parents house. This will mark the completion of my and Bentleys cross country, 1505 mile, drive from Washington, DC to Austin, TX. What a day to hear news! Because it’s a big day for me too. My last 2 months in the area. And I’m more sure and committed to the decision I made.

If anything, today’s news just reaffirmed everything I already knew. That God has a plan in mind, and I’m completely unaware of it. Because of this acceptance, I feel more confident and at peace with the new life and chapter that lie ahead for me in TX, being fully reliant on God. And that my previous relationship was no longer serving me, growing me or providing me the happiness that I needed.