Know Your Worth

It took me many many years to figure out my worth. I dated a lot of men and thought that they would be able to help me define it, but honestly it made it more challenging and made me feel like I was worth less, not more. I also dated a lot to fill whatever hole of loneliness that I needed patched.

Knowing your worth is a challenge. But once it’s found, the thought of losing it is unimaginable. I can’t imagine losing what I’ve won. I’m so proud to be where I am and proud to know what I’m worth.

Dating is a time in life when many of my girlfriends, like my old self, lose that. They think that it’s more important to have a significant other who maybe doesn’t respect them, or won’t commit after months is okay because they aren’t alone.

Girlfriend! You are worth more than that. Being single is a phenomenal time to learn about yourself and make that your prime investment. Take up a new skill, or learn to bake something besides slice and bake cookies. Find a foundation you’re passionate about and get involved. Redecorate your house or get a side job. But never forget that you don’t need a man.

I’m in a situation where I’m trying to date a guy long distance. Trying is the key word. Long distance isn’t for everyone and having to maneuver around that is challenging, honestly. I totally get it’s not for everyone and I don’t lose an ounce of respect if that ends up being the case in my situation. But please understand, after I cry for a second I’m going to get up, dust my butt off from falling down and I’m going to move forward. Because I’m worth more than settling for someone who can’t give me 100%, and girlfriend you deserve more too.

I know in my heart that there is someone out there who will be willing to, and will want to give me 110%. Someone who appreciates how I love people, my family, friends, strangers and the Lord. There is someone who will share my dream of raising a family, adoption and traveling the world. That man is out there. Heck, it could be the guy I’m getting to know and dating now, but until God reveals that to me, I have to continue trusting the process and moving forward.

While you’re trusting God and moving forward in your own relationship, try keeping these things in mind:
– Why isn’t he committing to you? Is it because its brand new and you’ve only known him for 3 weeks or does he have another excuse that doesn’t make sense anymore 8 months later?
– Do you actually have things in common? I have a girlfriend who isn’t even sure she likes the guy, but their intimacy level is really compatible . Make sure that YOU’RE there for the right reasons.
– Has he done something shady that you’ve chosen to ignore and look past?
– Has he ever told you you deserve better? I learned that if a man tells you this, you need to listen and trust him.

If you said yes to any of those things, I would take a step back and look at the relationship from a different perspective. Ending relationships suck. I know because I’ve ended almost all of the relationships I’ve been in and it’s really hard, but staying longer when in your gut you know it’s not right for you is going to make leaving later every harder.

You are loved. And you deserve everything you want in this world. Please don’t stand in your own way and be the reason why you don’t get them. ❤️

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Do the work. Trust the process.

I’ve heard this phase from one of my favorite yoga instructors from the D.C. area for about 3 years now. It has always made sense but today in PT I got to experience the reward first hand and immediately.

I had hip surgery 7 weeks ago to repair a torn labrum in my left hip, and my recovery has been long and slow. I’m a really active person who has been told to be still for essentially 12 weeks. I’ve been riding a sedentary bike for a few weeks now, while slowly adding in simple basic body weight activities like lunges and squats.

My therapist put me on the bike today for twenty minutes and I dared myself to do 3 miles. This is something I’ve never done. 2 1/2 miles in twenty minutes yes, but adding an extra half mile in the same amount of time would be the challenge. I was literally sweating when I got off that bike at the end of 20 minutes, and rather than feeling defeated that I only did 2.92 miles, i wanted to throw a party for accomplishing SO much in such an allotted amount of time. So much growth in just 7 days and being able to see that growth first hand is incredibly empowering.

Do the work. Trust the process. The results are coming!

It feels like Christmas Eve – the night before the keys are released. 

I close on my first home tomorrow morning and it feels like Christmas Eve. I’m so excited that I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight. I gave my $1000 earnest money away exactly 9 months ago today to hold my lot, the last lot in my neighborhood, and now I’m hours aways from receiving the keys to my custom designed.

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The home buying experience is something that unfortunately cannot be taught. It really can only be learned through experiencing it on your own. Escrow, mortgages and clearing to close sounded like a completely different language to me. And now after a roller coaster of emotions for 9 months, the keys are a few hours away.

If you’re someone starting to think about the home buying process, start saving immediately. On top of that, start paying down your debt. Learn how to live on a strict budget. Get pre-approved before you even walk into your first model home. Look into multiple loans, as well as downpayment assistance grant programs. And what saved me, was finding a loan officer who will fight for you and truly wants you to have the home of your dreams.

I’m purchasing about 6 months earlier than I was expecting, but with a leap of faith and trust that God would guide me down the chosen path, I am thrilled with the results. Dare to dream big. Sometimes stepping away from the timeline that you originally had in mind, allows you to grow in more ways than you ever knew possible.

Reality Checks

Reality checks always suck but i’ve found when the right person gives you the words you need to hear at the right time, they can be pro founding.

I regularly get caught up in the daily struggles and roadblocks that are thrown my way. Typically, I try to acknowledge them and move forward without letting them get me down, but like any other human being, sometimes that isn’t the case. The last 6 weeks of my life have been insanely frustrating, exhausting, and heart wrenchingly painful. Seeing everything that i’ve been through, in retrospect, it really hasn’t been that bad, but the combination of it all and feeling alone on top of it, is what has made it so hard.

I ended a relationship that I honest to God thought was the one for me. You know what I’m talking about. That relationship where you think this might actually be the last first kiss you ever have. The one where the relationship feels so easy, and perfect. On top of all of that, he had all of the qualities that I had asked God for in the perfect spouse. Unfortunately, due to circumstances in his life, i chose to end the relationship to allow him the space that he needed for healing. While I did care for him greatly, i’m the only one who can stand up for myself, and I realized that I couldn’t be in a relationship waiting for the other person to realize what I already knew. Walking away was hard, but moving forward has been even harder.

I met a great guy friend of mine for ice cream last night. This man has been in my life for 7+ years and has always been there for a good laugh and an honest conversation. He looked at me with serious eyes and said “for someone as religious as you are, I find it hard to believe that you can’t let go of the plan you have for yourself to allow God to do what He has planned for you.”

WHAT?!? Talk about a slap in the face of honesty. I tried to explain to him that I always thought at 26 that I would be married by now, maybe with a baby. And while the life that I have now is incredible and God has blessed me with way more than I deserve, i still wish for that life that i’ve dreamed of.

Its hard. Stepping out on faith and choosing to let go and let God. It really is and he looked at me and told me he understood. That it was a battle he also struggled with but he has decided to move forward everyday as best as he can and see what the Lord will provide for him.

Letting go and letting God is unfortunately always easier said than done. These are some verses that I found peace in, hopefully if you are fighting a similar battle, they help you as well.

Isaiah 43:18 “But forget all that–it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.

Job 17:9 the righteous shall move onward and forward; those with pure hearts shall become stronger and stronger.

Colossians 3:2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

Psalm 62:8 Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Romans 8:28-29 And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose, because those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

With all my love,

Shaken

I recently decided to stop dating the man I’ve been seeing for a few months. He is everything I have asked God for, and all of the things I didn’t know I needed. But in this decision to take some time apart, he asked a question that shocked me. His offensive question has been in my head non stop since he asked. The night before our winery date, where I realized he was someone I could picture as being incredibly important to me, I went on a date with someone else. We were both single adults and both still dating other people, but I’d made a choice that I have never been proud of and for whatever reason felt that the space he and I shared was safe enough to share this in. I have no idea why, but I did. We have never talked about that night, until now.

His question has brought up issues from my past that are more than 10 years old, and some that are newer that I have chosen to not deal with. I thought I had, but now I’m realizing that I’m broken still, just covered my a mask. A mask I didn’t even know I owned.

The decision I made that night was my right as a female, whose in control of her own body. Which may have been a part of the problem. So many times in my life that power has been taken from me, so to have the power and the control to make that choice on my own is where I believe that decision came from. It came from a place of need to fill a void, rather than allow it to remain empty and lonely. It came from a place where I needed to be WORTH something to someone.

It’s incredible to me that I thought this break was for him. For him to heal, and be as ready for me as I thought I was for him. But it turns out, I may be equally as broken, but in different ways.

Sexual abuse causes people to act out. In grownups, people assume you’re just being promiscuous. But sometimes there is an underlying cause that needs to be acknowledged. I’m Kristi. I’m a repeat victim of sexual abuse, and I’ve never healed from it. I’ve moved forward and allowed myself to ignore it, while also forgiving those individuals, but I’ve never healed and let it go. It’s been almost 4 years since the last incident, and I have allowed the control that he took from me to eat me up, silently, over the years. This is letting the bad guys win. Over and over again.

In a webinar for a Bible Study I’m about to start, the author said this “Insecurity and lies we believe can shake us to our core and the foundations of our hearts.” The lie that my worth is only found in the bedroom, from men that take what they need, is no longer going to control me. Join me in letting go of the lies that are holding you down, and acknowledge that they are prohibiting you from moving forward.