The majority of my closest friends live an airplane ride distance away, and of those incredible women, some read my blog to stay up to date with me and what’s happening in my life.
This weekend I was back in the DC area for one of these beautiful woman’s bachelorette parties and she’d mentioned that I hadn’t blogged in weeks. It’s funny how the majority of the times when I’ve blogged I’ve been hurting, frustrated or processing something. I blog to cope, un whined and let go of something. I rarely blog when I’m happy.
My most recent post was about how i was giving up dating. What I managed to leave out, what that I was giving up dating UNLESS I got to date the one man I truly wanted right then. I didn’t want to date for the sake of dating. For the free meals and exciting activities around the city. I wanted to date because I was in search of the man id spend my life with. I’ve dated for fun before and it’s a great time for a little while, but also so exhausting. At one point I was juggling dates with 3,4 or 5 different guys a week, but in my head it was dating to meet people not find someone to settle down with. My intentions were purely to meet people while being new in this big city. Then I met J.
While J was newly out of a very serious relationship when we met in January, on Tinder none the less, I remember telling my best friend Hannah the very next day that he was everything id been looking for. Even though the timing was off, I knew that I wanted to continue getting to know him as a friend, because you never know what can happen.
My life has done a full 180 in the last 15 months. Not only has my life changed, but I’ve changed. The way I carry myself and see the world. The way I set goals and make plans. The way I treat my friendships and my relationship with Christ. My life is different in more ways than I possibly could describe here, but they have all been for the better. I’ve learned patience and a better understanding of compassion. I’ve learned to give without receiving and to love because Christ loved us. I’ve learned that prayer works and that God changes lives. I’ve learned that liquor will never be my friend, and been reminded that running is good for the soul. I’ve figured out how to stretch a dollar and make cheap easy meals with chicken. Ive learned to stand on my own two feet and follow my dreams. I’ve learned to love myself for who I am, and how to be who I truly am and not who I thought people needed me to be.
Back to J. He is everything I’ve asked God for, and everything I’ve been praying for my entire life, as well as everything I didn’t know was possible. I’m not going to say he’s the one, because I’m still not sure (it’s only been a few months and he’s still healing), but if he’s not, he’s taught me so much about what I deserve. If it doesn’t work out, I’ve learned what’s possible in a partner, spouse and best friend. I’ve learned patience with healing. I’ve realized that the ring or last name change mean nothing, because we are already spending our lives together. And that is literally the whole point of this crazy thing we call life. To find someone to share your life with and who helps you love every second of it.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see us on the right track towards that future for us. I certainly see it headed in a serious direction. One wonderful thing about our relationship is our ability to communicate. I have never been in a relationship where our communication is so strong. He knows that I see this going somewhere serious, knowing that he’s not quite ready, which is okay. I regularly remind him that I’m not going anywhere and that he’s worth the wait. I’ve never been the woman to wait on a man. With all of my past relationships, I’ve been the one to say that I wanted it to go in a specific direction and they have agreed, So it’s gone there, or they haven’t and I’ve moved on. Whether that was making us exclusive, putting a title on it or saying I love you, I’ve made the move first. With J, I have allowed myself to stay slightly distant, while allowing him to heal at his speed without any added pressure from me. I have never been a patient woman, but with him it’s easy. I also have never felt so sure that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be, or so led to be where I am. What he doesn’t realize, is that I’ve prayed for him specifically every time I’ve gotten in my car since March 1st. I’ve prayed for his heart, his healing, clarity for his future and his goals, his family, his career and traveling, his relationship with God and us.
Making it a commitment to God to pray for J every time I get in the car has made my relationship with God stronger. Not because I’m seeing prayers answered, which I do think I am very slowly, but because I’m in constant communication with the Lord. I already was the woman I wanted to be but my relationship with Christ was lacking communication, passion and fire. Whether this relationship heads to something more serious or not, my life will have forever been changed by the lessons I’ve learned and the personal growth I’ve experienced.
Keep your eyes open to the unexpected blessings that are thrown your way. Rather than trying to make the timing or the person work right now, like we tend to do, allow them to play out the way they’re supposed to. Gods blessings in our life are better than we ever could have imagined.