Whole heartedly reminded 

So often in life are we completely humbled by the lack of control that we have on our own lives and whole heartedly reminded of who’s completely in charge.
I’ve been in the first stage of homebuying for a month now, and id be lying if I said that it hasn’t been a roller coaster every day since putting my earnest money deposit down. Each day has provided something, whether is anxiousness from waiting to hear from another loan officer, excitement looking through pinterest or disappointment at unwanted news. 

The first few weeks I found myself constantly in prayer. Asking God to keep His hand on this entire process, to lead me in the direction that is best for His plan and to provide me comfort when that direction isn’t where I would like to be headed. Then things were amazing because id been pre-approved for the loan and knew I was buying a house. Like car loans, you shop around to different banks, credit unions and mortgage companies to see who is going to provide the best offer. The loan that I was approved for isn’t great and it required me to put down more than im capable of putting down. It was a loan I didn’t know I couldn’t take because of my own circumstances, and the other loan companies were approving less than I needed for my home. 

Today on the way home from San Antonio I found myself in tears. Tears of disappointment and let down. I have felt SO empowered the last 4 weeks because I was going to be able to do something so big all by myself, as a single, 25 year old woman. WHAT an accomplishment. That empowered young woman was completely crushed today. Crushed to hear that I’m not going to be able to purchase the home that I’ve been dreaming about because of credit card debt. And were not even talking about a lot that’s standing in my way. If I could get rid of a $3000 credit card bill I would be approved for the loan that I want.

That’s it. $3000 is standing between me and the loan. I look back to what that credit card was for, and I know it was worth the loss of the house. My goldendoodle ate an 8inch octopus kitten toy April 2015 at 6 months old, and this credit card is what paid for his $6500 surgery to have it removed. While the loss of this opportunity is big, but the loss of my puppy would have been astronomical for me.

I’m humbled by how God is working in my life. This has made me realize how little I talk to Him when things are going my way. I was praying nonstop waiting to hear if the loan was approved, and the moment I heard it was I thanked God and went back to my life without him talking to him. While not purchasing a home now is the opposite of what I want, I’m sure a better opportunity will present itself when the timing is right! 


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