I caught myself in tears twice today.
I know they say love will find you when you least expect it but it’s impossible to not look for it. Especially when your closest friends are getting married and talking about having babies. It’s impossible to not crave for that when I’ve wanted it every moment of my life. It’s impossible.
Less than 96 hours ago I was trying to convince one of my best friends to go to the ESPN women’s conference with me. she asked why it would be worth SO much money. Which is a more than fair question since it’s over 2 grand for a 3 day long conference not include travel expenses. I sent her the following –
“The speakers for sure. But honestly it’s the fact that it’s women from ALL walks of life and industries. I was looking into this most when I was thinking about opening a studio. Some of the most famous yogi women were teaching and speaking at this conference. Getting to talk to my role models would change my life and help me narrow my focus.
It’s a 3 day conference. Some of the women speaking are also teaching. I could take the classes my role models were teaching. And then listen to them talk about how they got to where they are now.
Women empowerment is something I have always felt strongly about but even more so in the last 15 months.
Media is finally trying to teach women that we can do what we want. That we don’t need MEN to support us or our dreams because we’re perfectly capable without them.”
I texted her during this meltdown about how I faithfully trust that God has a plan for me but that I’m getting impatient. I’m ready for the man that is going to help me take care of the house I just bought. The one who is going to help me make it a home. And fill it with the sounds of our children playing.
She turned right around and provided so much encouragement. She even reminded me of everything I had said to her not even 3 days ago.
“this may not help but it took matt 31 years to find his forever bae 😊 i know you’re impatient but you have to practice patience. maybe this is your challenge in life right now. i promise he will find you when you least expect it. it always happens that way. when you fully stop searching and just let fate be, everything you’ve done in the past year you’ve done for you and you must celebrate that. i know you want to share those things with someone else but those aren’t the cards you were dealt. maybe you were dealt these cards so that you can focus on you (something that took lots of guts and courage for you to do)
i know it sucks not having someone there and it’s easier for me to say because i do. but you make me very proud. i could never buy a house on my own (well because i don’t have a job lol) and you did that!! or buy my own car. you’re doing things i couldn’t probably never do. and now i have to do these things with matt. so you’re my inspiration and example of “i don’t need a man.” i look up to you on those things
And look what you just wrote me: “Media is finally trying to teach women that we can do what we want. That we don’t need MEN to support us or our dreams because we’re perfectly capable without them.” ”
Someone at happy hour tonight told me to imagine bundling up all of the love and compassion I’ve put into every relationship and think about receiving that. THAT is who I’m patiently waiting for. Someone who is going to love me as fiercely and passionately as I love them. That is what the whole wait is for. THAT person. THAT kind of love. That’s what we’re waiting for. Stay patient. Don’t settle.
Please feel empowered by the things happening in YOUR life. You have the struggles and celebrations in your life for now for a reason. And the people who are by your side, or not yet by your side, are as involved as they’re suppose to be right now.
I’m single. Painfully single. Because big things are happening, like buying my first home, and I don’t have a significant other in my life to share this moment with. But THAT is what makes it so empowering. Because I am doing it all by myself.
Find your tribe and love them hard. They are the ones who remind us of our strength when we can’t find it ourselves. But learn to be empowered by the choices you’re making in your life. Believe in them and that they are happening in the exact moment that they should.
I ask that you take the envy and jealousy that I have for my engaged, married and pregnant friends away. I know that path you have planned for me is more incredible than I can ever imagine. Please take my heart and make it yours. I trust your plan.