2016 New Years Resolution

I’ve given a lot of thought to my New Years resolution this year. I want to do something that’s possible, but will also make a big impact on my life. 

In past years, I’ve said that I want to practice yoga everyday, eat healthier, attend church more often, practice abstinence, quit cursing, ect. All things that would be great to actually do but are hard to follow through with and easy to make excuses to quit early. 

2015 provided me with so many incredible challenges. Challenges that have taught me a lot and some that I have overcome with grace. I want to set a goal that I can accomplish without feeing like I will be giving up everything, or completely changing my life. 

I’ve decided to give up liquor this year. I considered alcohol all together, but I’m 25 years old, I live in Austin, Texas and I love a glass of red wine in the evenings. Usually this would be an impossible task, which is why I specifically decided to give up liquor. 

I went downtown with a friend Saturday evening and proceeded to drink more liquior than I’m proud of. I woke up with a busted knee, a terrible hangover and no idea how it happened. I don’t like not knowing what happened. And knowing that I had no control of myself or my life previous night. I have more self respect and love for myself to know better than to treat my body that way. I also happen to know this doesn’t happen when I drink wine or beer. 

Because of this, liquor is out of the question. Giving up liquor still allows me to get a glass of wine with my friends, or grab a beer at the game, but it gives me the freedom to have more control of my life and my decisions. It will allow me to be more present when consuming alcohol because I better understand how beer and wine effect my body. 

What resolutions have you set for yourself in the new year? Are they possible goals or are you setting yourself up for failure? Be intentional with the resolutions that you’ve set. Whatever it is, if your heart is in it then I believe you can do it! 

With all my love,

Kristi ❤ 

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Annoyed by the challenge

I took by far the most challenging yoga class I’ve ever been in yesterday morning. It’s not like I knew I was going in for a Level 3, professionals only yoga class. It was a 45-minute lunch break flow. It’s the same class I take every day. BUT what I like about this studio is that every teacher teaches what they want, rather than a scheduled sequence. So some days are more challenging than others.

In yesterday’s class, I found myself annoyed by how difficult it was. Annoyed that it was challenging. That my limbs were shaking and my shoulders were sore. Looking in the mirror I noticed how red and exhausted my face looked from holding my breath in, rather than allowing the breath to move to the most knotted parts of my body.

I practice yoga in a studio for this feeling. For the ability to be pushed past my limits, even when I’m annoyed  by it. Annoyance is an emotion and I’ve come to find that these emotions showing up on my mat are a direct reflection of an emotion I feel out in the world.

Try and stay in the poses that make you the most annoyed. The ones that make your muscles sore and cause you to shake. Acknowledge the feelings and emotions that come up. Think about why they are appearing and let them go. Move past them and chose leave those thoughts and feelings in the space you’re in.

Inhale what you need and exhale what no longer serves you.

Namaste!

Kristi ❤

To my 5 week long Tinder boyfriend,

To my 5 week long Tinder boyfriend,

Thank you. Thank you for proving to me that good, normal men use dating apps to meet people. Thank you for treating me better than any man ever has and for raising the bar for my future dating experiences. Thank you for reminding me that chivalry isn’t dead, and that men are still capable of opening the car door for us, and kissing our hands in public. Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to not be the smartest person in the room and for not laughing when I ask a question or say something that may sound stupid. If I’m asking, it’s because I actually do want to know the answer. Thank you for showing me your favorite places in the city of Austin. This great, beautiful city may seem small, but to a single person alone in this city its massive and overwhelming. Thank you for taking me to places where I have memories in the future with you and great times to think back on. Thank you for making the moving transition easier by finding comfort in you.

Thank you for showing me what it’s like to have a dreamer bigger than yourself. I’m so proud of how dedicated and committed to your dream you are. I can only wish that one day I feel that way about a career. Your dream requires a level of dedication that is so important to you that a romantic relationship isn’t possible, and you’re okay with accepting that fact.

But also, thank you for ending it when you did. For realizing that while we were perfect together, and we were, it wasn’t the right time in your life for you to be romantically committed to someone. Your honesty opened my eyes to the things that I needed to be focusing on right now, like my own mental health. For someone who has never suffered from anxiety and depression, these are two things I need to work through on my own. Without the help and encouragement from a significant other, that obviously might not be in my life forever. Its things like this that pushed me to take this adventure on my own. So that I could show the world, and more importantly myself, that I’m fully capable of taking this world on on my own.

Lastly, thank you for acknowledging that while we cannot move forward romantically, that developing a friendship is something that you’d still like to work on. I feel like more often than not this is something that women suggest but it never works out. I greatly appreciate the fact that you said this was something you’d like to continue, if I was okay with it. The level of comfort I had with you is something that I didn’t know existed in real life. It allowed me to be the fullest and realist version of myself, knowing that you accepted me however I chose to show up. I don’t have that level of closeness with some of the best guys friends in my life, and I found it in you within minutes of meeting you.

I can only hope that we truly do continue to grow closer as friends in the future.

With all my love,

Kristi

 

 

Expectations are not always reality

Have you ever dated someone that’s busier than you? 
I’ve always been the busy one in the relationship. The one that’s constantly on the go and has a planner full of dates and places I need to be. Until now. Now I live in a new place, where I have FOUR friends and the guy I’m seeing is insanely busy…all of the time. He’s a paramedic for a hospital in Austin and works 3 12 hour shifts a week. On top of that, he’s picking up extra shifts, spending time with his family, getting settled into the apartment we just moved him into and is prepping for school to start next month. 

My schedule compared to his, and compared to what it was in DC, is completely different than what I’m used to. Before I was working in an office 45-50 hours a week, lifting 4-5 times a week with my best girlfriends, was working at a yoga studio, while also practicing yoga a few times a week, and I had all of my friends to fill the rest of my open time with. Now, I work from home for those 45-50 hours a week, I practice yoga occasionally, go to bible study on Tuesday nights and spend time with the few friends I have. My life here is so quiet compared to the past few years of my life and I’m having to adjust to my significant other being busier than I am. It makes me feel like less of a priority, even though I know that’s the furthest thing from the truth. He does the best that he can with the extra time that he has, and I’m very grateful for that. 

When he and I first started seeing each other he wasn’t nearly as busy as he is right now. He’d have a few days off a week and we’d spend them together downtown, or at a new restaurant, ect. That time together filled the quiet space that I would have been spending alone, without time to process all of the changes that have happened the last 6 weeks. Now that his calendar is filling back up, and the reality of my move is really sinking in, im finally truly processing everything. I realized this week that I’m not moving back to DC. That this isn’t a long vacation where I live somewhere else away from all my friends, like my trip to Africa. I was in Africa for 6 weeks, which is exactly how long I’ve been in Austin now. This is also the longest I’ve ever been away from everyone I love. And processing all of this is harder than I imagined. 

So much has already happened in DC since I left. My best friend got engaged, AND married in less than 2 week period. My oldest and closest friend informed me that she’s pregnant with her first baby. Another close friend gave birth to her first child a few weeks after I moved. And my boss got promoted, which has shifted my whole team around. These are huge milestones that I wish I’d been in town for. Things I wish I could be more openly a part of, but now I can only do my best from a distance. 

Surprisingly, I haven’t cried too much since I’ve been here. For anyone who knows me well, I can cry at almost the drop of a hat. I miss so many people and already feel a bit forgotten by those that I love so much. But staying in touch with someone who lives long distance is so hard and I was warned before my move that relationships would fizzle out. These are the people I’ve been crying for. Those that filled my time while I was in DC. The people I’d call when I had a free evening to grab drinks, dinner, catch a movie, do anything with. 

All this quiet time alone is allowing me to breathe. And its taking me back to my yoga mat. I’ve been off my mat since my first week in Austin until yesterday. I decided it was time to turn Netflix off, get off the couch and do something I used to love so much. My first class back I was immediately reminded what it’s like to move with my breath and allow emotions to come up where they may. So far, the hour yoga classes I’ve taken are when I’ve felt the least homesick. The least depressed about how alone I’m feeling. But either way, homesick, depressed or unconditionally happy, my mat accepts me as I show up. 

I took a very late class tonight, 8:30-9:30pm hoping that I would find comfort. Not only did I find that, I found a release in the stress I’ve been holding in. I found a love for my body I haven’t had in weeks and a longing to listen closer to what I need right now in my life. 

Community is something that doesn’t happen over night. I had the unrealistic expectations set that I would move, immediately meet a ton of people, have an amazing schedule that I love and be beyond happy. Expectations are not reality. A move cross country is not an easy change, in fact it’s been very hard, and expecting it to be easy was ridiculous of me. 

The depression I’m feeling is also very real. But locking myself in my house with my dog isn’t going to make Austin feel more like home. Through baby steps, and slowly adding more into my routine, hopefully I’m my happy, healthy self in no time. 🙂