I had a doctors appointment today. One of those appointments where they call and say we need you to come back in so we can run some tests. Not because anything is wrong but because something isn’t right. Appointments like this give me incredibly high anxiety. It becomes the only thing I can really focus my mind and stress on. It messes with my sleep and with my eating patterns. Makes me sensitive and irritable. Keep in mind, we haven’t found anything bad yet. But my brain automatically runs to this place. The place where fear and negativity take over.
As a regularly very positive person, this place is highly exhausting. I’m physically more tired running ‘what if’ scenarios though my head than I am after a 5 mile run. But I also find that these are the situations where I turn to food. I hadn’t even left my office yet to go to the doctor and I was already thinking about what unhealthy guilty treat I was going to pick up. Maybe Taco Bell? Or a pint of ice cream? Lucky for me both ice cream and Taco Bell are near my doctors office.
But then I think about my cleanse. How I’m supposed to be detoxing my body of the things that don’t provide it what it needs. I’m supposed to be challenging myself to 24 days of fairly strict dieting to see if 20 weeks for a competition is even possible. I remember my goal. My goal to be the healthiest, best version of myself that I can be. For myself.
When I think back on those goals, the idea of that guilty treat is no longer desired. Because it’s not what I even really wanted. And I knew it wouldn’t make me feel better, but in that moment it may have filled a void. I’m a stress eater. I always thought I might be, but in this moment I realized I absolutely am. Because I am stressed. My anxiety level has been high since 1:10 yesterday afternoon when I found out I needed to go back in this week for tests. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since the call and I’m headed to the doctors. Rather than turning to food, I’m challenging myself to turn to healthier options. Maybe a second green tea from Starbucks, a piece of fruit or a nap. Something that will improve me rather than cause a step backwards. Because bad news shouldn’t cause a detour in the road toward improvement!