Ive never considered myself a materialistic person, but I suppose that changed recently. Getting back into the dating world allows me to figure out what I want and what kind of person I’m looking for. A person who owns nice things isn’t required, but it’s what I’ve had for a long time.
I am all for working hard to have nice things. I own a Louis Vuitton bag myself. So I get it. But I worked my butt off for that bag, and paid cash for it. It was well earned and it’s been appreciated every day since I bought it.
I have seen this man three times now, including the one time he picked me up late from a bar and dropped me off at home. The other two real times were incredible. The first date we had pizza at my apartment and then took a bottle of wine down to DC and walked around the monuments. I’ve lived in DC my whole life and I’ve never done this. It was amazing. Definitely a wonderful night to remember. The second night out he took me on a long ride on his Harley! My butt is pretty sore, but I haven’t experienced that much fresh air in a very long time. It was a refreshingly nice change of pace for me.
These were both great encounters. And he is a wonderful guy. But he has things, and I thought these things were important to me. Like his boat, motorcycle, mercades, home ownership and 6 figure job. As it turns out, these things are not important. Or even required. As nice as they are, and he absolutely deserves to have them, I don’t know if I need any of it. Listening to him talk about his things, honestly isn’t attractive to me.
I’m not impressed by things the way that I thought I was. I’m also coming to realize how important other things are. Like good conversation, laughter and feeling comfortable. Things will not be around forever. And when they’re gone, what will the relationship have to keep moving forward?
Have you ever had to convince your heart of something? Something that your head completely agrees with but your heart just can’t get on the same page?
I find myself currently in this mental battle. It doesn’t happen often, maybe once a month, where im having to remind my heart that this is the right thing for me. Not because I’m missing something that is long gone, because I’m not, but because I’m missing what I haven’t yet found. I feel like I’ve spent the entirety of the last four months figuring out who I am, and who the best version of me is, and now that I’m fully the person I always believed I could be, I’m ready to share it with someone.
I know I’m where I am in this moment because it’s where I need to be. And I’m not dating because I’m moving, and that was a choice I choose to make. So in retrospect, I’m really wishing to win the lottery without actually purchasing a lottery ticket, and I’m aware of that, but I still hope the ticket just lands in my lap.
Right now, I’m finding comfort in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
To avoid these quiet moments when I allow myself to think too much and get lonely, I’m going to continue writing, reading, training and watching far too much TV. And continuing to love every second of it! If you have any good books, movies or shows, please don’t hesitate to share. I have more than enough quiet time on my hands currently.
No one in particular, but him. That man that you go home to after a long day. That you pour the stories of your day out to and he listens intently. The man that looks at you and says ‘I’m proud of you’.
I needed that tonight. Someone to hold me when I stumbled into the house and drop all my bags on the floor just inside the front door. I worked a 15 hour day today, and all I wanted besides my bed and puppy, was a man to be there to hold me and tell me he was proud of all my hard work. I don’t usually need that acknowledgement from another person, but I haven’t crossed many, if any, milestones as a single woman. Today I realized today how much I missed having someone there to celebrate with. And be excited with over the big things, and even the small things.
One day. Maybe soon, or maybe not. But one day there will be another him. 🙂