Let go and let God. 

Some BIG things are happening in my life that I’m not quite ready to share yet. But it’s incredible to see how many doors have been opened in the last few weeks for me that I can only firmly and fully believe that God’s hand has been on all of it. 

What a incredible experience to watch things fall into place when you take a leap of faith and let God work in your life the way that He wants to. 
Let go and let God. 

My first true experience of this city

Austin Texas might be one of the greatest cities I have ever visited. I have an aunt and uncle that live 15 minutes from downtown and my parents live an hour both, so I’ve always been with family when I was in town. This weekend I was with an old college fling who lives here. We were able to walk around downtown, bar hop and spend time with his friends. 

I had no idea Austin had so much to offer. There is plenty to do actively outside, whether you’re running on the trail around Ladybird Lake, paddle boarding on the lake or hiking the rolling hills around the city. There are bars and restaurants on every corner and very rarely are they chains, so it’s always a new experience. We ate at The Hut, which Food Networks’s Diners, Driveins and Dive’s did an episode that was good. 

There is a bar on 6th street, which is the street to be on at night, called Kung Fu. I thought it was an Asian bar but I was completely wrong. You walk in, and it’s designed like a grownup chuckie cheese with arcade games, Janga and Connect Four set up. If you’re a newcomer to the bar, they make you bang this massive gong that’s behind the bar. Apparently I banged it like it pansy but I had a huge smile on my face and loved every second. I also had my first pickle juice shot and it was amazing!

With this trip making me spend night and day with an old friend, it made me realize how much he and I have both changed since we were last together. It has been 2 1/2 years since we’d last seen each other, and butterflies were in my stomach as to what emotions would come up seeing him again. Would I be interested in a life with him again? He has so many qualities that I’m looking for, so that was something I knew to acknowledge and handle when it came up. He is still a great man, and I respect him and care for him but it’s different now. He will be a great friend moving forward, but that’s where our relationship will stop. I acknowledge how different I am now, even in the 2 short months that I’ve been alone, and how much more I’m looking for than my past can give me. 

Im grateful for the choices that have gotten me to where I am now, and the people that have helped me grow along the way. I fell in love with this city this weekend, and it might need to become a more permanate place that is involved in my growth moving forward. Knowing what I know now, I can’t wait to see what the future holds for me. Maybe it’s in Texas. 

Brought to my knees

These last few days have been incredibly difficult. My 5 month old goldendoodle needed his rabbies shot, a perfectly normal thing to need, and his body rejected the shot this weekend. Or so we thought. After 2 trips the animal ER I was asked to leave him overnight for 24 hours, mainly so they could give him Iv fluids and monitor everything. Come to find out, he swallowed an 8 inch octopus toy whole and his body was trying to process it through. An expensive ultrasound confirmed the foreign body and I was walked through the next emergency procedure. Hysterical on the phone i consented to the DNR I was read and agreed to pay for a surgery that would drain my entire savings account. 

Now, 3 days after surgery, Bentley is back to his bouncey, full of energy self. But only after days of prayer. I had no idea how much that furball meant to me until I was brought to my knees in prayer for him to get better. I am so grateful that I had my faith to fallback on during this incredible time of stress. 

Thank you God for blessing me with everything you have and for keeping my family whole. You are so good!

Never again

I informed a friend of my recent life changes today and her response, sadly, was “how long were you unhappy?”

I wasn’t unhappy persay. I loved that man so much that I wanted it to work out with everything in my body, but it was never going to. Not without resentment and unhappiness. Realizing that I was never going to be able to convince him to want what I wanted was so hard to finally accept. But it was harder realizing that I loved this man more than I loved myself. That I loved him more than my dreams. 

Never again. Never again will I love a man more than I love myself. My dreams were around well before any of the men in my life were and I will not settle for anything less than what I’ve always dreamed of. To make sure that this happens, I have started thinking of my non-negotiables. These are the things that my future husband will have, and if he doesn’t, we can just be friends. 🙂 

  1. He wants to be a husband. 
  2. He wants a family.
  3. He is a Christian.
  4. He wants to travel and see the world.

For now, that seems like a good enough list. We’ll see what other things I absolutely can’t live without. 🙂