Ending It

I’m ending my relationship of 2 ½ years tonight.

 

Honestly, a year ago I never would have thought that this was coming. But for the last 6 months, I think I’ve been preparing for it without realizing it.

 

I thought about it a lot while I was in Cancun, and last week in Las Vegas. And I just don’t miss him the way I used to. But regardless of that, I want someone who wants to be with me for long term, and he doesn’t know that. Which is fine, but I want to be a wife and mom more than anything, and waiting around for him to figure that out is never going to get me what I want. And he doesn’t understand my love of donation, and giving. I have always lived a life of service, and I need someone who is going to understand that and appreciate it. I want to open a yoga studio, so that I’m able to serve people. And he wasn’t  willing to go to church. In 2 ½ years I had asked him to go once, and he only came because Hannah came too. Not because I asked him, but because she came . Stuff like this has been on my mind since September. And every quiet moment I’ve had since thanksgiving has been spent convincing myself that I’m happy, and that I’m willing to give up what I want for him. but I’m not anymore. He hadnt really given up anything for me. There wasn’t much compromise for us. It was just ‘Kristi will give in’. And I can’t do it anymore. And I don’t want to. And I don’t have to.

 

I woke up this morning for the first time in a very long time happy, and relived. And unfortunately I have to do this tonight, so I’m sure it will be very tough for the next few weeks, but I believe with everything in my body that this is the right decision. Plus, I skyped with my mom yesterday and she said that she and my dad had never felt that he was the one for me. And that they had been praying for guidance for a long time for me to figure this out. So that alone tells me that I’m making the right choice. 🙂

 

I bought myself a David Yurman ring this morning, and that was definitely a nice treat to myself. It’s ironic that my new year’s resolution this year was to propose to myself. To focus on learning more about me and what I want. So I’m glad that the ring will be my first step into this new chapter of life. 

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